Is four years too long to spend with a realtor?

Jenny, four years is not the problem. The sentence that tells the story is this one: "We mostly find our own listings to view online, occasionally he sends an email with a listing." That is the whole diagnosis. You are not being represented, you are being accompanied. A buyer's agent's core job in a market where you keep losing is sourcing: knowing about homes before they hit the portals, calling listing agents in your target neighborhoods to ask what is coming, door-knocking or mailing the specific streets you want, and working their office and their network for off-market inventory. If you are the one finding everything on a website, you have been doing his job for four years while being liked. Let me also take one thing off your conscience. The house where you offered 895,000 full price and the seller came back wanting 1.2 million is not an agent failure. That is a seller who was not actually selling. Losing that one says nothing about your representation. It is the pattern over four years that says something, not that episode. So here is what I would do. First, one direct conversation before you fire anybody, because he may simply not know what you expect. Ask him for three things in writing: a weekly written report of every property he sourced that you did not find yourself, a list of the listing agents in your target areas he has contacted about upcoming inventory, and a written strategy for how you will win the next one you like. Give him thirty days. If nothing changes, you have your answer and you gave him a fair chance, which matters to you because your husband likes him. Second, read your agreement. Timing note: you asked this in July 2024, and one month later, in August 2024, written buyer representation agreements became required before touring a home. So you almost certainly have a signed document now, whether or not you had one then. Read it for the term length, how to terminate, and the protection period, meaning the window after termination during which he may still claim compensation if you buy a property he introduced you to. Understanding that clause before you move is what keeps a change of agent from turning into a fee dispute later. Third, and this is the strategic point about your actual situation. You have three years before your last child graduates, and you are renting a condo in Rochester in the meantime. That is not a weakness, it is leverage, and it should change how you shop. You are not in a hurry and you have no home to sell. That makes you the most flexible buyer on the board, and it should be the headline of every offer you write. Long or short closing, whatever the seller wants. No sale contingency. Rent back to the seller if they need time. Those terms win houses against higher offers regularly, and they cost you nothing. Fourth, given that you keep losing, make sure you are competing correctly rather than only bidding. Get fully underwritten with a local Rochester lender rather than pre-qualified, because local lenders carry weight with listing agents who have closed with them. Ask what terms the seller actually needs before writing. And write on the right houses, meaning ones that have been sitting, where you have real negotiating room, rather than only on the fresh listings where everyone is competing. Fifth, if you do change agents, interview for the thing you have been missing. Ask each candidate directly: how do you find homes that are not on the market, and give me two specific examples from the last year. The answers will separate them in about ninety seconds. One kind word. Four years of loyalty to a nice person is not a mistake, it is a decent instinct. But your family is living in two states, and that has a cost that compounds. It is fair to want the result, and it is fair to say so out loud. I am a real estate professional, not an attorney, so have someone read the actual buyer agreement before you terminate it if there is any ambiguity in the termination language. Rochester is not my market, I am Zoltan Peresztegi, and I work Los Angeles and the South Bay. If you would like an introduction to a Monroe County agent who actually sources off-market inventory, I am glad to help you find one, and I would tell you exactly what to ask them. Zoltan

Four years is a long time if you still feel like you’re doing most of the work. Nice is not enough. At that price point, your agent should be actively watching listings, tracking old opportunities, flagging location concerns, and giving you strategy before homes disappear. I wouldn’t make it personal. I’d have a direct conversation and say, “We like you, but we need more proactive guidance. We need you watching the market, alerting us quickly, and giving us honest area feedback before we get emotionally invested.” See how he responds. But based on what you described, I’d also interview one or two other Rochester-area agents. You don’t have to be rude or dramatic about it. You just need someone who fits how serious and specific your search has become. You’re not wrong for feeling frustrated. After four years, missed listings and weak local guidance are real problems, not small annoyances.

There is no clear-cut automatic response to this question, this is solely a personal decision. Good luck! Keith Jean-Pierre Managing Principal The Dapper Agents Operations In: NY, NJ, FL & CA

I’m going to assume you’ve already found a home by now, but four years isn’t really the issue. It comes down to how the experience felt. From what you shared, it sounds like you were doing most of the work, finding homes yourself, and still missing opportunities. That’s not how it should be. A strong agent should be proactive, keep you informed on relisted homes, move quickly on showings, and guide you on things like location before you get too invested. The missed $895K home and the situation with the area you asked about are both signs of a lack of follow through. It’s not about whether your agent is nice. It’s about whether they’re actually helping you win. At this point, it’s completely reasonable to either reset expectations with them or talk to another agent and see if the experience feels different.

That depends on your goals and the relationship! If you’ve been working with a Realtor for four years and haven’t reached your goal yet, it may be time to reassess. Sometimes long-term relationships make sense — like if you’re investing, renting, or buying multiple properties — but if progress has stalled, have an honest conversation about next steps or a new strategy.

Jenny, Sorry to hear of your frustration! There are big changes coming to the real estate industry on August 17th and now you could potentially be responsible for the real estate fee. I would ask this question, would you pay for the services you are getting if you found your dream home? If the answer is no then you should interview new agents. To give you perspective since 2020 I helped 77 buyers find homes so you should really think about interviewing other agents!